When I was in college, I took a class that forever changed my perspective on love. The class was called ‘Intimate Relationships.’ If there was one thing I took from that class, it was love languages.
The class revolved around a book called “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. We all have them, but certain love languages are more important to some than others. You don’t have to to speak the same love language to have a successful relationship! Understanding your partner’s most valued love language will help your relationship thrive and will keep your partner feeling loved and appreciated. The 5 love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. There is a free online test that you and your partner can take to find out which love languages are most important to you! I will link it at the end. 🙂 And if you don’t have a partner, these love languages are extremely relevant in friendships as well which I will touch on later.
Knowing your partner’s love language is so important because we all perceive love a little differently. Let’s say your most valued love language is Receiving Gifts. You feel the most loved when you receive a little gift from your partner because they saw it and thought of you. Because you believe that this is the best way to express love, you give your partner a gift. They may thank you for it and appreciate it, but they might not feel as loved as you would by the act. Instead, they would feel the most loved when you tell them “I’m proud of you” because their most valued love language is Words of Affirmation. By understanding this, you both can better cater to each other!
For as long as Peter and I have been together, I never actually had him take the test until now and I was amazed by the results. (I also retook it since it’s been a few years since I took the class. We are always changing!)
My love language results:
- 10 – Quality Time
- 8 – Acts of Service
- 5 – Words of Affirmation
- 4 – Receiving Gifts
- 3 – Physical Touch
Peter’s love language results:
- 11 – Quality Time
- 8 – Acts of Service
- 5 – Words of Affirmation
- 4 – Physical Touch
- 2 – Receiving Gifts
To my surprise, we speak the same three love languages (aside from Peter valuing quality time one more ‘point’ than me). I’m not sure if our love languages evolved over the 5 years we’ve been together to become almost the same, but it definitely makes it easier for us! In our relationship, we both value Quality Time the most. This may be because we don’t live with each other yet so any time we do get to see each other, we try to make the most of it! I personally love the little quality things such as napping and grocery shopping because it’s the everyday life stuff that I love to share with him. We also have shows we like to watch together, and we (almost) never watch these without the other person! I’m sure some of you have felt the betrayal of this… I have!
We also both highly value Acts of Service in the relationship. Actions speak louder than words for us. I always feel very loved when Peter does a favor for me such as grabbing last minute things at the store for me when I’m busy or when he’s cheering for me in the audience of a fashion show. His actions prove his love for me.
The third valued love language for us is Words of Affirmation. “I’m proud of you” or “I appreciate it” are almost always in our daily conversations. Growing up in a traditional Asian family, I didn’t really hear words of encouragement from my parents because of their “tough love”. And so hearing it from my partner is extremely important.
Knowing that Peter has the same top love languages for me makes it simple – treat him the way I want to be treated. 🙂
Don’t have a partner to relate this to? Understanding love languages is also great for your relationships with friends and family! I’ve noticed that my closest friends are those that cater to my primary love languages. They are the ones that I spend the most quality time with and have meaningful conversations. They are the ones that are willing to do favors for me or are supportive of me. I feel the most loved when I feel appreciated, and I feel the most appreciated when I have both physical and verbal support. Also knowing how my close friends feel the most loved can help me be the best friend I can be in return.
Interested in knowing you and/or your partner’s top love languages? Click here to take the test and find out! Afterwards, share your results with your partner and have a conversation. Reflect on their love languages and ask yourself if you are catering to those love languages and make changes if necessary. You don’t have to speak the same love languages, you’re just learning theirs! Just the same as me learning how to say something in Vietnamese from Peter or if he learned how to say something in Cambodian. We still speak our own languages, but we’ve learned each other’s. Comment below what your top love language is and why you believe it may be that. I would love to know!
Besties photo by the amazing Mouyheang Bun. Give her some love as well @mokuphotography!
As always, thanks for supporting by following and reading. Until next time. ❤