I was going through my phone’s text messages the other day (just ‘cause I can), and I came across this texting thread that I had with a guy I once went on a date with — let’s call him Julius. After rereading the messages, I felt the same exact feelings I did when I first read them four years ago — and that’s when I knew. I HAD to write about this topic. I had a boy pretty much confess his love for me in the span of knowing me for just eight days. Interested to hear what happens when someone comes on just a little too strong? Or curious if you can relate? Then sit back, grab some tea, and let this story unfold.
During my sophomore year in college, I attended my very first frat party. I had no idea what to expect, but the police came to crash the party, I hid in a closet with a few people, and I was the first one that a police officer made direct eye contact with when he opened the closet door. “Come on, let’s go! Go home, everyone.” We got kicked out. It was awesome.
But let’s rewind a little bit. Before the party was over, I met Julius. I remember my friends saying that he was a nice guy and that he wanted to talk to me but was really nervous. He finally made his way over and we had a nice, basic conversation: what our majors were, what year we were in school, who we knew at the party. Julius seemed like an overall chill guy — and he wasn’t half bad looking (lol).
After the party was over, I rode back with my roomies to our apartment. Not thirty minutes had passed, and I received a text message:
Bruh. I didn’t give my number to him that night. I was so confused. But I just went with it.
Did he just say he “guessed”…? Homeboy “guessed”??? LOL umm, okay. Yes. I’m sure he was able to guess all seven digits of my phone number and just knew that it belonged to me. I found out later that my girlfriend actually gave him my number because he really wanted it. So he straight-up lied to me. And honestly, I’m super gullible, so he at least could’ve made the lie just a little believable, SMH. I didn’t reply back to him. A few hours later, he texts me again:
His responses were actually getting pretty cute, so at this point I thought Julius didn’t seem too bad.
Aww, how sweet and thoughtful that he worried about my safety! Too bad these nice thoughts didn’t last long because then he sends me this:
Homeboy was not being cute anymore — he was actually starting to annoy me. “It really freaks me out?” Please don’t dial 911.
At this point, I wasn’t annoyed anymore. I was mad af (LOL). He was legit telling me what to do now. Honestly, did he think I was about to call him ‘Daddy’ after this? Ummm, oh no boo boo.
Hell yeah he talked too much and hell yeah I did mind. I didn’t text him back the rest of the night, but — to my surprise (not really) — he messaged me yet again the next morning:
And at that moment, when food was mentioned, I decided to give Julius a second chance. (Ya girl has a soft spot for free food.)
We went to eat at Pho79, and he was actually the same chill, nice dude I met at the frat party. He asked me a few questions and there were no awkward pauses. But I remember he asked me, “So how old is your younger brother?”
Okay. This question would’ve been fine — if I had mentioned to him that I had a sibling, let alone a younger brother.
L: How did you know that?
J: Oh… I kind of looked at your Facebook.
The only picture I had of my brother on my Facebook at the time was from my fam’s 2008 trip to Florida and this date with Julius was in 2014 LOL. And then, he started telling me more things.
J: I actually was really nervous for our date. Before our meeting today, I researched, “what to talk about on a first date.” I even wrote down questions so that I knew what to ask you.
Here I am finding this highly amusing and I even had the audacity to ask him:
L: Wait, you wrote down questions? Omg can I see?
He was hesitant at first, but I got him to show me. He pulled out his phone and showed me his “Notes” app. I even asked him if I could take a picture of it and he actually let me (LOL). I still have it:
During the lunch, I also asked him if he was seeing anyone else. He told me no, and I told him that I was talking to another guy (no, it wasn’t Carlos at the time lol) and wasn’t looking for anything serious. I was still enjoying being by myself and figuring out what I wanted. He asked me questions but overall said he understood where I was coming from and that it was fine with him.
It was definitely not fine with him.
One day later, Julius sends me this long ass text — it was so long that I had to click “view all” on my phone:
Y’all. I was scared. LOL. He literally just confessed his feelings for me and I knew him for just eight days and went on a date with him one time. After reading this, I felt weirded out, uncomfortable, and a little pressured. I never responded back to him, but I really should have lolol. He came on way too strong and honestly scared me to the point where I ended up ghosting him. After our first date, I actually was a little interested in him, but then those feelings vanished when he told me things that I wasn’t ready to hear. If I had more time to get to know him better and vice versa, then maybe I could’ve felt the same way. But eight days was just way too early in the game for me.
For those that can come off just a little too strong: I think it’s great that you get excited about someone after meeting them. It’s honestly really cute. And it’s also great that you want to show, tell, or demonstrate that you really like someone and are interested. But while you genuinely believe that you’re being sweet, caring, and romantic — this can come off as too aggressive or maybe even a little scary or creepy for some people. Everyone develops feelings at their own pace, so instead of using an aggressive approach the next time you’re interested in someone and letting your feelings be known from the get-go, just remember that good relationships take time to develop and sometimes a little subtlety can actually go a long way.
If you came this far, thanks so much for reading! Let me know if you’ve ever experienced someone coming on way too strong — I’d love to hear about it! 🙂